How to be kind when things are going wrong

Well, you do want to be more kind, don’t you? I really love that attitude – you are great.

Being kind is so nice. Not only that, through being kind we tap into the best of our capacity as a human in heart and mind. We become a little better than the average human being. But, when things are not going right, and dragging us down, how can we continue to be kind? 

All my flowers are eaten by ugly, unkind slugs!! How unkind they are. 

I could not sleep, my neighbour was too noisy last night. 

I know very well how you feel. I have been in this place every now and then. But each time I have found a way to get out of the trap and move into a higher place of kindness. I want to share the art I have learnt with you. Let’s move on, you will find ways to master that art.

Let me introduce Piere Jones, my friend. We experiment and collaborate on kindness practices. Recently his garden was under siege by slugs. Instead of applying insecticides, he found a kind way. Put them on the compost heap. Moved over 50 slugs and snails from his allotment to a safe place so they could live rather than being killed

Aren’t we human beings? Striving to breath oxygen, drink clean water, get some tasty food and feel happy. Yes, we are programmed to protect ‘I’ & ‘me’ first. That is why we are alive in nature’s competitive eco-system. 

Wait a minute,….did I say nature?

Hmmm. we used to call her mother nature. But nature creates competition. How long can you keep your garden un-attended? All the weeds compete against our beautiful plants and flowers. Birds and animals will sneak into your garden and finish your fruit and vegetables if you do not keep them protected. The world is competing, there are always hungry creatures, their hunger is at times pushing them to do unwanted things. Remember needs vs wants

So we shall focus to ourselves to find our basic needs and sustain our health and wellbeing. Remember health and wellbeing. I did not say every action to feed our countless desires.

So what? This is my Rule #1: We shall first be kind to ourselves. That is to make our ends meet. Remember the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

But, be cautious,… this is where we lose ourselves, too. Our mischievous mind pushes us to seek beyond our primary needs. Without knowing it, we quickly find ourselves in the territory of ‘wants’. I ate one banana, yum..yum.., I need another one, Why not? It’s ok, it’s only a banana. So, you see we are brilliant at justifying our actions.

So, again Rule #1 is to be kind to ourselves, but sadly, it has a limitation. (Huh…!). Yes I know, but, we shall be generous to ourselves but within limits.

Hey, aren’t we talking about how to be kind when things are not right? Yes we are.

Remember these rules have rewards. Those rewards are in-built into our life. This is the most beautiful kindness lesson I have learned again and again. This is the reward of practicing Rule #1. When you are kind to yourself, your negative emotions begin to fade away. Your creative mind opens up and creates a small fountain of happy thoughts. Very constructive thoughts.

Now here comes Rule #2. Nurture these positive thoughts, in small steps. Just take one small step at a time. Let’s say, put one single thought into action. In my younger days, this is how I did it. Most of the time I was feeling down, I ended up going to bed and fell into crippling emotions. At times I felt like I was locked inside a dark prison cell, felt a heavy rock on my body, making me almost immobile.

But I just kept contemplating inside that dark cell, without complaining. Tolerated the weight of the rock without weeping. Slowly, but incrementally, a small beam of light appeared breaking through the darkness. The rock slowly but incrementally became lighter. Positive thoughts began to emerge. For example, they would come as mild impulses such as; writing a poem, drawing a picture, visiting the garden and getting some sunshine. So, I just got myself to do that one simple action that led to the next, and the next….and here we are in a different world.

Have I said anything new here? Absolutely not. You knew all of this, because you are probably used to doing them. But I have reminded you and given you a prescription – 2 rules now. And so, you can master them and repeat them. That is the art.

Ok, here is my Rule #3. When you get into the zone of positive action, make it an act of kindness. It is ok to feed and be kind to yourself. But, with this rule, it is crucial that we direct our act of kindness towards someone else. That someone can be your mom, your pet, a bird, a stranger, a twitter follower or Facebook friend. A simple random act of kindness takes you into a much stronger, positive world. The universe of inter-being and well-being. In this place you develop a much stronger protection to keep you happy, strong, powerful. And more importantly you become a better being.

Aren’t you feeling positive now? I encourage you to master this skill. So please repeat these three simple rules; 1. Attend to yourself first, 2. Build positive thoughts and nurture them, 3. Make random acts of kindness.

Enjoy your day, and lets meet up in another kind conversation.

P.S. This is one interesting blog I found when I was finishing this blog. Take a look.

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